ok.
So after God rocked my world and then rocked it again (monday and tuesday), I went to the office of Crossroads' Executive VP and talked to him about it and kinda looked for what my next step is supposed to be. He was ecstatic about the whole thing and was pumped for me. It being a trial in my life, I was a little more reserved in my response to God dealing with me. When I asked him about what was next, he reminded me of the parable of the guy who lent money to two guys and canceled both debts (one of 50 denarii and one of 500 denarii, representing 2 months' wages and 20 months' wages respectively) from Luke 7:36-50. This parable is told after the sinful women anointed Jesus with the expensive perfume and the Pharisee whose house they are eating in gets bent out of shape about the whole thing. The point of the parable is summed up in verse 47 where Jesus says "Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven--for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little."
What an incredibly powerful statement that is. I think why I didn't love God as much as I should have when I was younger is because I thought I only had a few sins and they weren't big enough for Jesus to really worry about, so it wasn't a big deal. Now that I realize that my heart is desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17:9) and (to borrow a term that might rub some the wrong way) completely, totally, and utterly depraved, I love God a lot more because I realize that I have been forgiven of so much.
After we talked for a few minutes, he draw a diagram for me about this. There was a man at the bottom (narrow part) of a cone-shaped thing (that opened up wider and wider), arrows on either side of the man and God & holiness at the other end of the cone. The arrows on either side of the man represented (on the left) his awareness of sin and (on the right) his gratitude or love towards God. As the man worked his way up the cone toward God & holiness, the arrows got longer (aka. the more he saw himself for who he was, meaning how sinful he was in light of a perfect & holy God and also that he would have more gratitude and love in light of seeing all that he had been forgiven on).
I had never thought of it this way before, but that definitely needed to be my response to God pealing back more of the curtain that revealed more and more of my sin to me. I was originally frustrated and angry with myself, but John reminded me that that would lead to condemnation (which Romans 8:1 says is not the case for Christians).
So I am definitely not there yet, but it is encouraging to see God working on me. Praise God that my salvation is not in my hands, but in those of my Lord & God. . .
2 comments:
This is Cristi, Cari's friend, and I love that you shared the cone diagram. I have never thought of it in that way, either, and makes so much sense. And in regards to your previous post, I have had the final verse of It Is Well running through my head on an almost daily basis.
Thanks, Richard.
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