When words are not enough. . Even if they are a little late .

I know this is late but. . . . . .

A few nights ago as I was reading Cari's blog about her mom (andyandcari.blogspot.com), which was spot on by the way, I was sitting there on my bed 2500(ish) miles away from my mom, and I thought of how much I miss her. Most of you don't know my mom, but those who do know that it is difficult to put into words the women that brought me life.

My mom is amazing. I know most people say that about there mom, but mine really is. The first thing I think of when I think of my mom is how much she loves people. She is unselfish and self-sacrificing, probably to an unhealthy level, but is always looking out for and caring for other people. She loves people. A lot. She loves my family enough to take the first shift of the day at the gym she works at. She wakes up at 3:30 to be there by 5 and when those doors open at 5:30 AM (yes, when it is still dark outside), all those people see is her smiling face ready to greet them. She has worked there since I was about 9 or 10 and every year I continue to see how much those people love her back and appreciate her. When Christmastime comes, these people buy my mom gifts. I need to remind you that she works the front desk at a gym. When was the last time you bought a Christmas present (and some of these are nice Christmas presents) for the receptionist? She would have to be pretty special right? Then she handwrite literally hundreds of Thank You cards to all these people. How often does that happen?

She is infinitely more than I could describe to you here now, but here is a glimpse of who she is. .

She is very hospitable. When I was a kid, my friends would always come over to our house to hang out.

She is very emotional. I can remember countless times when my mom has either 1) cried in the first five minutes of a movie, and/or 2) walked in on the last 5 minutes of a show or movie and started crying in those 5 minutes. I didn't know someone could cry like that after having no idea whatsoever about the plot.

She is a worrier. Now I know most moms are like this, but few rival her. My dad says that she has turned it into an art form (or something like that). When she found out that Indiana had snow *gasp* and that you had to drive in it *gasp again*, she started calling more often to make sure that I had a 7 inch thick winter coat on and that I was driving slow and watching out for the other drivers.

She was and still is always there. I knew that my mom would always "bandage my wounds" when I was a kid and she'll still pick up the phone, even if she is taking a nap.

She started acting weird a few years ago. And when I say weird, I mean like, my mom like Christian Rap. Where did that come from? My mom has a quick whit, and I never saw that when I was a kid. My mom will laugh at very inappropriate times or things. I know after reading that she is blushing and shaking her head.

She isn't perfect, but who is?

I earnestly believe a lot of who I am today is because of my mom. She taught me how to love and serve others. And I know that I am not prefect, but I know that my mom has been a model of how I am to act, serve, & love.

I love you mom and I'll see you in a few weeks.

From one who is proud to be your son, Happy Mother's Day. . .

Who I Am and How I Am to Live: JuxtaPositions

One of the biggest tragedies of American Christianity is that we don't understand the Cross and all that our "Good Friday" meant to the one who was sacrificed for our sins. As someone who has grown up in a Christian family and been a part of our Good Friday services at my church, I am very well acquainted with the story, but am calloused to what it means and what it meant. Tonight, after being in the hospital all day, I went to a friend's house in the evening and a group of us watched Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ." I have seen it before, but I found that this time, some new things struck me about all that happened:

Who I Am.

How I Am To Live.

The first is Who I Am. There are only two responses & positions to this question and they were portrayed by the thieves on the crosses next to Jesus. The first thief saw Jesus and did not see himself for who he was. There was no sorrow, no agony in his life as he saw the man who was "God come down to man" die on the cross. He saw God and said "Are you not God? Save yourself and us!" He echoed all what the others around him were saying, which was essentially "If you are God, prove it to me!" "If you really are God, show me that you are God! I need something more that what you have already revealed! Show me or I won't believe!" The sad part is that this is prevalent in society. John Mayer sings "Is there a God? Why is he waiting? Don't you think of it odd when he knows my address?" "JESUS SHOW ME YOU ARE GOD!" This man was unrepentant and wanted more than Jesus would give him. "I'll believe when you do _____! Not until" Who is this man to question God? Who are we to make demands of God?

The second thief saw Jesus and responded as we all should, "Do you not fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation? And we indeed justly, for we are receiving the due reward of out deeds: but this man has done nothing wrong." This in and of itself would have been amazing. He sees who he is. He sees who Jesus is. He sees that it isn't God needed to prove anything, but that He has already shown all He needed to by Jesus' death on the cross. BUT. BUT. BUT then he continues, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom." This is an outrageous request to be made. If you really think about it, you'll realize it is one of the most absurd requests ever made. A man who has done wrong, completely realizes it, is being punished for it, and then asks God to bring him into his eternal kingdom. This clearly is NOT based on his merit, on his efforts to please God, or anything other than grace & mercy. What is more absurd is Jesus' response, "Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise."

When honestly pondered, it makes no sense. How could a filthy, sin-stained man come before a holy, righteous, truly awesome God? How can he even ask to enter his presence? Without the blood of Jesus, this is impossible. But we need to see that we are one of those two thieves on the cross. Neither deserve grace & mercy. One asks God to prove himself. The other sees God for who He is, sees himself for who he is, and throws himself at the feet of the only one who can make him clean. For those of us who are Christians, we need to realize that we have no "rights" to God's grace, but that it comes to the most, not only un-deserving, ill-deserving of sinners. Once we realize that, we have a correct view of our relationship with Him and can truly worship Him.

Who am I? Who is Jesus? Who I am in light of Jesus? Who am I now because of Jesus?

The second thing that I saw was Barabbas. God actually first showed this to me my Freshman year, but I thought about it again tonight. When Pilate asks who he should release to the people, Jesus or Barabbas, we know the answer. They ask for Barabbas, he goes free, and Jesus gets crucified, but there is something deeper and relates to the two thieves who hung next to Jesus. We all know that Jesus died for us. He died so that we might have life. In the words of Driscoll, "He lived the life we couldn't live, died the death we should have died, then rose from the grave, claiming victory of Satan, sin and death." We know these things, but what about the man who He literally died in the place of?

Barabbas was thrown in prison for being a murderer and starting a violent uprising against the government; a terrorist. He was a sinner. He deserved death. He would have died had Jesus not been the substitute for him. He would have eventually been executed, but was let go at Jesus' expense. We know nothing other than what is recorded us in the Gospels, but I have always wondered what happened to Barabbas after. We think of what he did before and then we see him released, but the writers are silent are that. We have our presuppositions, but we don't truly know.

After Barabbas was released, like everyone else, had two positions he could have taken. He could have continued to live the life he had before Jesus' substitution, or he could have repented and changed. What if the man who had once led political uprisings, turned and led sinners in repentance? Once again, I want to point out that we don't know, but I want you to think about it. Jesus literally died for him, so how did he live in response to that? How do we live knowing that Jesus died for us? We can live two ways, exemplified in the thieves. Once we see who we are, do we ask for more or do we seek His grace and mercy?

How are we to live in light the life that Jesus lived and the death that Jesus died? Do we come before Jesus and ask Him to prove himself, or do we fall down at Jesus' feet and plead His precious, cleansing blood? How do we respond? How do you respond?

Do you know who you are? Do you know who He is? If you do, how do you live your life? How is this to affect your life?

Priorities & Knowing God

There have been several things that have been going through my mind/God teaching me today, but two stick out.

Priorities.

Knowing God better.

Let me start out by explaining what happened today. Cari & Andy are the couple I live withish. Around 5 this morning (Tuesday), Andy had a seizure. Cari called 911 and they took him to the hospital down the street. Within 30 minutes, Cari said he was completely back to normal, but they ran a bunch of tests to see what it was. It turns out he has a tumor on his brain. They will operate on Friday and, Lord willing, it will never come back. Whether it does or not, We know God is in control.

With all that as back story, I will begin at the end of tonight. I was asked by Cari and Andy to come back to the hospital after my night class so I could walk Cari out to the parking lot. I got there a few minutes early and as Cari was packing up to leave, she offhandedly/rhetorically asked, "Do you even remember what our biggest problem was yesterday?" Andy, being mostly out of it was slightly confused because he, well, was pretty exhausted. But that one question stuck in my mind.

Why is it that it takes a horrific event to get our priorities straight? After September 11, families started spending more time together. When my friend Johnson Ko died a few weeks ago, I called my sister, who was in his class, and told her I loved her. When Caden died last September, we all let go of those things that were bugging us the day before we found out. What was the biggest problem Cari and Andy had yesterday? Who cares? Whatever it was is obviously still there, but in light of a precious husband, brother, friend, who cares?

Problems will come and go. They will always be around and they will never stop coming. We need to realize that our priorities are out of alignment before the next horrific event takes place. Because if we don't, we might not get the chance to fix them in time (in case you don't remember that order, here it is: 1st) God. 2nd) Spouse (or family if you are single). 3rd) Your Children (if you have kids). 4th) Everything else (job, school, ect. . .).

The other thing He taught me was the beauty of knowing God more and more. I found out at 6:45 AM when Trish (Cari's mom) called me, let me know what happened, and asked me to let Bo (their beloved dog) out so he could. . well, ya know. So I did, but I stayed up for a bit and prayed. At first reaction, I will admit I was a bit frustrated with God. I was thinking, "God, isn't it honoring when two of your children love each other, have healthy kids, and live normal lives?" I thought about it for another minute when suddenly it donned on me that this might be a little warning sign of something really being wrong with Andy. Within a few hours, we all found out that Andy had that tumor and that there is a chance once it is removed, it might be gone forever. Without the seizure, we would have not found out and who knows what would have happened.

That idea that I had wasn't because of my superior knowledge, but because I am getting to know God better. I am listening and my will is beginning to align with His. What I have learned is that God has a bigger purpose for everything that happens. If I live a life that is shallow and make demands of God to know everything right away, that isn't going to help me know more. But if I am spending time with Him in prayer and in His Word, I will know more about who He is and His characteristics. He isn't the bully with a fly swatter ready to destroy us when we do something wrong. He loves His children and wants to bless them.

Why do we live lives that are so shallow? In our mircowaved, drive-thru, lose 80 pounds in 15 minute society, we need to see that God doesn't work like that. We can't avoid Him and then expect to know more about Him. We are in a relationship with Him. I have heard, from people who know, that when you get a girlfriend or boyfriend, you want to spend as much time with them as possible. You learn their characteristics, mannerisms, quirks, you see how they react to different situations, and as you spend time with them, you get to know them better. If you start dating someone and then talk to them once a week, it probably isn't going to last long. If you disregard them and ignore them, it won't be soon until they say "ya know what. I don't think this is gunna work out."

Similarly, spending time with God in prayer and Bible study is like eating and drinking. It is so 100% completely necessary to live. Would you expect someone who had one meal on Sunday morning and maybe one on a Wednesday night to be a healthy person, while the rest of the week, they didn't have anything to nourish their bodies? Of course not. So why do we expect to listen (half listen probably) to a 30 minute sermon and consider ourselves good for the week. In John 7, Jesus talks about how He is the living water and in John 6 Jesus refers to Himself as the bread of Life. That is how essential time with Him is.

As I'm saying this stuff, I am realizing how far I have to go and how much I still have to learn, but I'm making progress. I am still lightyears away, but I now see the foolishness of how society and I have tried to do things. Please see the truth presented here and respond accordingly. Matthew 7:24-27 is the passage about the two different reactions when they heard the Word of God. Those who hear and do something are the ones who build their house on the rock. Rains will come. Their house stood firm. Respond accordingly. . .